Well, here I am, in the middle. Seems a blur in getting here really. One minute I was young, youthful, full of promise and potential; the next I am in mid-life with menopause, emphasis on the pause, and everything seems less shiny somehow.
It's the same old routines, same old dreams, same old shitty habits, same old problems... but with some physical party-quirks thrown in from time to time. What the hell happened? And, more importantly, where to from here?
I've been pondering this a lot lately and this is what I have come up with so far.
For women in my generation, and possibly others, many of us were given two strong messages growing up. 1. be a good girl, everyone likes a good girl who puts others needs before her own, and 2. girls can do anything, no-one ever said 'do everything' mind you but that must just have got lost in translation. I think we ended up in a whirlwind as we grew up trying to please everyone else while living up to the ideal of being able to do everything. Some of it has been exhilarating, and I am grateful for the highs and lows and lessons learned along the way. We have done the best we could in the myriad roles we have carried simultaneously, without complaint because good girls don't complain, but in the end we're often left feeling like somehow we just haven't measured up.
After thirty years of my adult life living like this I know I am simply exhausted.
So, where to from here?
Well, I guess I have a decision to make. I can continue the way I have but perhaps without the youthful exuberance I once had, and it will be OK. I'll likely feel a bit better in time and things will settle down. I will assume the role western society seems to expect of me which is that I age quietly if I can't be bothered making the effort to avoid aging, and then slowly fade into the background. Alternatively, I can break down some of the barriers and brush aside some of the bullshit beliefs that have ring-fenced my life to date and live a little more on my own terms. I can see this time as an opportunity for regeneration and renewal, the entering into a new phase of my life. Women of a 'certain age' were once honoured for their wisdom and valued in their communities, in tribal societies they were often consulted and listened to on matters of importance. There's still plenty of gas in the tank and I have plans! So it is plan B for me.
I am not going to throw everything away, I love my life in so many ways. I will however embrace a new energy that comes from clarity, confidence and connection. I will define my boundaries. I will embrace my values. I will be as gentle as I want to be. I will laugh as loud as I want to laugh. I will dance and sing and cry and shout. I will stop apologising for being the woman that never measured up and I will just be the woman that I am, unapologetically.
This middle is not the end, it was never meant to be, and it has all the potential to be marvellous.
If you would like to join Megan on this adventure, into embracing the potential in this fabulous 'middle' for you, then please feel free to check out the Mid-Life Mastery coaching programme https://bit.ly/midlife_mastery